How to Be a Beast in Bed with Cam Fraser

by Cam Fraser

on Oct 20, 2021

It's time to get wild.

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It is the month of Halloween; an excuse for us all to don a scary costume and pretend to be a ghoul, ghost, gargoyle, or gremlin. In addition to imitating an imp or an incubus, you may also want to use this month to learn how to be a beast in the bedroom.

Unleashing your inner bedroom beast does take some skill. While there is a lot of fun, excitement and pleasure to be had from exploring your untamed and dangerous side, it is important to prepare first. This means establishing boundaries with your partner.

Boundaries are great because they help you clearly identify what is off limits or what falls outside of the territory you’re planning to prowl around in. Once you know this, it then allows you to go all in and show up in your full wildness within that territory, without the inhibiting fear you may cross a boundary.

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When we’re excited about exploring our experience of pleasure, sometimes we might say everything is on the table and nothing is off limits. If this is your or your partner’s initial reaction, I want to encourage you to probe a little deeper. You might like to ask about something you suspect would be a boundary for your partner.

For example, you could ask, “Oh, you’re open to anything, okay, does that mean I can put my finger in your butt?” and your partner may respond saying they actually would rather not. This gives you a place to start your conversation about establishing boundaries. If they don’t want this, what else don’t they want? And, just as important, what is it they do want?

It’s important to note, a boundary agreed upon prior to play can become uncomfortable or too much for either party when the act is being performed and that’s okay. Make sure you’re checking in with each other throughout so you can slow down or stop if needed. I would highly recommend agreeing on a safeword or safewords beforehand so you can continue to communicate safely throughout play regardless of how rough it might get.

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From here, with the assumption being a beast means ravishing your partner, you may like to start flexing your assertiveness and experiment with how you consensually lead your partner. Be decisive, make requests, or just physically take your partner and lead them into the positions you want them in.

Some ways you can take this up a notch are by pinning your partner’s arms down, introducing new sexual acts, or bringing toys into the bedroom—things you want to do which are within the agreed upon boundaries.

If you’re engaging in penetrative sex as part of your unbridled bedroom antics, something you may want to try if you have a penis or a strap-on is thrusting harder, but not faster. When we think of more intense intercourse, many of us think it is both hard and fast. However, a much more pleasurable experience can be increasing the pressure with which you are thrusting, pressing deeper into your partner, but slowing right down as you do so.

Remember, sex is about mutual pleasure, so check in with your partner regarding whether or not they enjoy harder penetration or any other kind of play you might both venture into.

Another way of ravishing your partner—perhaps in a slightly kinkier way—could be to explore sensation play with them, particularly sensory overload.

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With your partner’s consent, you can play around with over-stimulating them. Think of ways you can engage their six senses: sight, sound, touch, smell, taste and proprioception. Try engaging multiple, if not all senses at once. This can create intense sensations and brings up elements of power play, all of which may be part of your inner bedroom beast.

Regardless of what it looks like, being a beast in bed begins with conversations about boundaries, setting the stage for what it is you and your partner want to explore. It involves checking in as well as finding edges. And, it includes whatever makes you feel like you’re ravishing your partner and whatever makes your partner feel like they’re being ravished by you.

Top toys for sensory play

Cam Fraser

Written by Cam Fraser. Lovehoney Australia's Resident Sex Coach
Answering all your queries on pleasure-oriented sexual experiences for people with a penis

Originally published on Oct 20, 2021. Updated on Oct 20, 2021