Intimate Desires and Why They Should Matter to You With Chantelle Otten

by Chantelle Otten

on Nov 25, 2022

When it’s time to get down and dirty, we all have different things that turn us on and get our heart rates going. For some, it's simple things like kissing and cuddling. For others, it's something a little more adventurous. These tantalizing needs are what make up our intimate desires.

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Whether you’re aware of it or not, our desires keep the spark of intimate relationships alive. They add excitement and spice into our relationships, triggering a sense of anticipation that can’t be denied.

Without them, it’s hard to keep that sexual spark alight. So, the next time you're feeling frisky, don't be afraid to let your partner know what really turns you on. After all, your intimate desires are what make you unique. And that's something worth celebrating.

How can you learn more about your own desires and explore them further with your partner(s)?

Anyone who's ever been in a relationship knows that communication is key. This doesn't just mean discussing your grocery list or who's going to pick up the kids from soccer practice. It also involves being honest about your needs and desires, both in and out of the bedroom.

However, for many people, talking about sex can be difficult. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to explore your own desires and learn to communicate better with your partner (or partners).

One way to start is by doing some soul-searching on your own. What turns you on? What are your fantasies? What are your hard stops?

Once you have a better understanding of what you're looking for, you can start to share those things with your partner (or partners). You may find that they're willing to explore new things with you, or at least be more open to hearing about your needs. Either way, honest communication is a crucial part of any healthy relationship.

So, if you're looking to learn more about your own desires, the best place to start is by doing some introspection and then sharing what you discover with your partner(s).

What are some tips for communicating your desires effectively to your partner(s)?

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While we often know that communication is important for sustaining healthy relationships, we can still encounter barriers when trying to share our private thoughts out loud. Effectively communicating your desires to your partner(s) takes courage, so it’s normal to find it challenging at first.

However, you can’t expect your partner to read your mind, right? If you feel like your needs are not being met, then honesty is the only policy.

If you’re having trouble getting the words out, here are a few tips to help you get your point across:

  1. Be clear and concise. When you're communicating your desires to your partner, it's important to be as clear and specific as possible. Vague statements like "I want more affection" are helpful, but they don't give your partner much to go on. Try to be as specific as you can about what you're looking for.

  2. Use 'I' statements. Centering yourself in your statements will make sure you don’t sound accusatory and trigger defensive feelings in the other person. For example, rather than saying "You never listen to me," try saying "I feel like I'm not being heard." This will help your partner feel like they're an active part of the conversation, rather than feeling like they're being attacked.

  3. Avoid ultimatums. If you find yourself regularly resorting to ultimatums (e.g., "If you don't do X, then I'm going to do Y"), it's a sign that something is wrong with the way you're communicating with your partner. Ultimatums create an environment of fear and coercion, which is not conducive to effective communication.

  4. Be open to compromise. It's important to remember that relationships are all about meeting each other halfway. So, if you're having trouble communicating your desires to your partner, be open to finding a middle ground that works for both of you.

How do you make sure that your partner’s desires are also being met in a safe, healthy way?

If you're in a relationship, there's a good chance that you and your partner(s) have at least some desires that are different from each other. That's perfectly normal! In fact, it can be one of the things that makes your relationship interesting.

However, how can you make sure that everyone's needs are being met? The key is to communicate openly and honestly with each other, and to be willing to compromise. If you're both willing to put in the effort, you can find a way to fulfill each other's desires in a way that feels good for everyone involved.

Plus, it'll be a lot of fun exploring new things together! Who knows, you might even discover some new desires of your own along the way.

What if you don't know what your intimate desires are?

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If you're not sure what your intimate desires are, don't fret - you're not alone. In fact, many people feel uncertain about their sexual wants and needs. Thankfully, there are a few ways to explore your desires and get to know yourself better in the bedroom.

One way to learn more about your sexual preferences is to experiment with different types of stimulation. This could involve trying new kinds of touching, using sex toys, or even watching erotic videos. It’s all about finding out what you like, so nothing is off limits.

Another option is to talk to your partner about your fantasies and explore them together. These conversations can be daunting, but they can also be incredibly exciting and revealing.

Ultimately, the best way to figure out what turns you on is to experiment and communicate with your partner. With a little exploration, you'll be well on your way to finding out what gets you hot under the sheets.

It’s time to unwrap your true desires…

Understanding and exploring your intimate desires can be a fun and rewarding process, both for you as an individual and for your relationship(s). It can help you build trust, communication, and intimacy with your partner(s), and allow you to explore new levels of sexual pleasure.

If you're not sure where to start, try asking yourself some questions about what turns you on, talking to your partner(s) about what they like, doing research online, or diving into some self-help books on sex and intimacy. Whatever route you choose, remember that open communication is key to making sure everyone involved feels comfortable, safe, and happy.

Chantelle Otten

Written by Chantelle Otten. Lovehoney Australia's Resident Sexologist
Helping to ensure empowerment, sexual wellbeing and pleasure are at the center of all your sexual experiences

Originally published on Nov 25, 2022. Updated on Nov 25, 2022