We Bet You've Experienced These Awkward Sex Moments
on Nov 14, 2016
We've all been there - things are heating up, skin is caressing skin, a partner's breath dancing on your neck, a gentle touch sending your spine ablaze with wonderful shivers…
And then it all goes a bit daft.
We'll say it time and time again, sex is ridiculous and we should embrace that, but every now and then the throes of passion are interrupted by an 'oops' moment that can leave you groaning, and not in the good way.
Here are our top picks of the silliest sex mistakes we all make!
1. Dirty talk gone wrong
If there's one thing in the wonderful world of sex that's not as easy as it looks, it's talking dirty.
It always seems to come to everyone else so easily, the sultry tones and sensuous descriptions feeling deliciously seductive, but when it comes down to trying it yourself it can feel a much more clumsy affair. Everything sounds too vague or much too direct and it can be hard not to end up bent double laughing by the end of it.
How to deal with it: Having fun with your sex is essential, but this is far from ideal. In order to minimise the giggles, make sure that you're only using phrases that you're comfortable with, talk in a low, quiet tone, and start off with simple words or sounds of encouragement rather than X-rated profanity.
2. Lost in the covers
Locked in passionate embrace, you know exactly what to do next to make your partner's night explode.
While one hand runs along their thigh, the other reaches out to the side for the toy you know they can never resist…
And keeps on reaching.
And keeps on reaching. Bloody hell, it's definitely around here somewhere…
When you're in the throes of your sexual encounter, the last thing you want is to lose momentum mid-stride, and nothing stops that pleasure train like having to uncouple from your partner and scramble around in the covers for whatever toy it was that was just there a moment ago.
How to deal with it: If you can, make sure that your go-to toys and contraception are stored within easy reach of your bed, to minimise the awkward pauses. Running to your housemate's room in the nude to borrow a condom is a little less than dignified.
3. Pitch-dark panic
A lot of people prefer sex with the lights off, and, of course, that's totally fine, but nothing can throw you off your peak performance quite like sex in complete and utter darkness if you're not used to it.
Sure, some people aren't that comfortable with their bodies or just prefer the ambience, and if they'd be more comfortable with sex in the dark then good for them, but for those of us more used to the light it can lead to some crazy inner monologues (such as 'I swear her nipple was right here' or 'How on Earth am I not able to find his penis?!') and a fair bit of floundering.
It's not something your partner is ever likely to notice but, damn, if it doesn't feel daft sometimes.
How to deal with it: If you can, switch to a softer lighting option that'll keep both of you feeling comfortable but will still let you see exactly what's what. Fairy lights or low-watt lamps are perfect, plus they can help to set the mood.
No one has 'perfect' sex each and every single time (hell, maybe there's no such thing as perfect sex), but the most important thing to remember is that that's OK, and even something to enjoy.
Sex is to be experienced, and that experience not going exactly as planned can be just as much something to, at the very least, remember.
No matter how embarrassing they can feel at the time, when the worst case scenario of any of these sexual slip-ups is that you learn from it and have better sex in future, can they really be that bad?
The ViBlogger is a student at the University of Leeds, where he studies Astrophysics. When he's not writing for The Sextbook, he can usually be found in a Yorkshire field reenacting the 12th century.