Spanking for Beginners

This beginner’s guide tells you all you need to know to try erotic spanking for the first time.

Are you spanking curious?

Step right up to find out about erotic spanking, adult spanking, sexual spanking - whatever you’d like to call it.

Spanking for pleasure is when you use your hand or an object - like a spanking paddle - to slap the skin (usually the bum) of your beloved for their and your sexual satisfaction and fun.

Contrary to myth, sexual spanking does not have to be painful, and indeed it is often used as part of foreplay to arouse and titillate your better half.

Erotic spanking can also be enjoyed as part of role play, as a punishment in a BDSM scenario or even during horizontal refreshment to increase the endorphin rush. Read on for more helpful info.

Curious about other BDSM toys? Check out:

Beginner's Guide to Electro Sex Toys

How to Use a Feather Tickler

How to Use Nipple Clamps and Suckers

Video: How to Spank Properly

Watch our video to get the lowdown on how to spank safely when you’re spanking for pleasure.

Why spank?

Why do erotic spanking, you ask? It’s pretty simple, really. Your biggest organ by far is your skin. You’ve got millions of nerve endings standing by to provide sensation. Spanking draws blood to your skin, which raises its sensitivity.

Think of it like this - do you stroke your lover’s skin for their sexual pleasure? Most lovers do. Sexual spanking can be just an extension of stroking in a modified form, but using the same idea that skin stimulation boosts blood circulation, which lifts sensitivity, which can lead to sexual arousal.

If you can wrap you head around that idea that erotic spanking is sensory play, you’re off to a grand start. It can just as easily be a romantic and sensitive act as kissing and stroking. Go as gentle or hard as you like.

Broaching the topic

Right. If you have a hankering to try sexual spanking, how do you raise it with your flame?

What not to do

Never spank your kinky companion without warning. An unexpected spank could be scary, a major turn-off or even bring back memories of a traumatic experience, which could lead to a very different result to the one you were hoping for.

What to do

Sit down with a cup of Milo or a glass of chardy and have a good old chin wig. You should always discuss spanking with your partner before surprising them with your newly bought spanking paddle.

It helps to speak from your own experience and reveal what spanking does for you, like so: ‘When you pinched my bum in church yesterday, did you know I got a stiffy?’ or ‘I loved it when you gave me a cheeky bum slap last week - that was a turn on for me - would you be willing to talk about giving spanking a try in our sex life?’

Avoid putting your flame under the pump. At this initial stage, you may just want them to spank you. Mutual spanking is a secondary issue and is not required for you to enjoy spanking pleasure yourself.

Getting started

Once you have consent, set up a safe word, and discuss what you're both comfortable with, and what you're hoping to achieve from spanking. Are you looking for some gentle slapping foreplay? Want to enhance some role play? Experiment with pain? Do you want the odd spank during sex, or an over-the-knee spanking session?

My O.H. and I have been together for many years and up to now have enjoyed spanking each other either by hand or size 9 slipper.” - Phobus

Make sure you warm up to spanking with gentle strokes and caresses. Get the area used to stimulation and aroused for more.

The best way to try out erotic spanking is to use your hands first. Cup your hand slightly, with your fingers together and spank lightly in an upward motion.

Please note: Once you start spanking, if your agreed safe word is used, stop spanking immediately.

Where to spank

Sexual spanking generally aims for the fleshy parts of your body - your bum, backs of the thighs and what we call the 'thutt' (where your thigh meets your butt). Why? They are well cushioned to receive a slap, with plenty of padding.

But most importantly, slapping these areas sends ripples of sensation through to the nearby, sensitive, genital areas.

“Using a paddle, as well as spanking with my hand, provides different sensations and feelings. Nice to mix it up with the two materials and easily to control the harshness of the spank.” - CS 1990

As a side benefit, these areas of the body are usually covered by clothing, so if you do get a bit exuberant in your spanking, you won’t have to answer any tricky questions about visible marks in the office the next day.

Where not to spank

Never spank above the waist, over the spine or kidneys or over joints such as the backs of the knees. Spanking in these spots can be dangerous, so please spank safely.

We've always been a fan of spanking but thought a paddle would take it to the next level - and it truly does!” - CaptainHammer

Mixing it up

Once you have become comfortable with entry-level erotic spanking, try mixing it up. Vary the pressure, frequency and placement of the slaps to create variety, spread sensation and increase anticipation.

You can do it harder and more frequently, timing each spank to arrive no later than three seconds apart.

For many people who enjoy being spanked, anticipation is the name of the game. That means, it's the time between each spank, and not knowing when the next will come, that is the real turn-on.

“Moved up from a tennis bat-type spanker. Love the fact that my boyfriend can start off with the softer, padded side, and then, as my arousal heightens, he can punish me harder with the harder, flatter side.” - Hornsters

Blindfolds and Paddles

Two types of toys can add a lot of fun and elevate your spanking to next-level sex play.

Blindfolds amplify the anticipation spankers enjoy because, if you can’t see, you don’t know when the next spank is coming. Adding a blindfold is a great next step on your spanking journey.

If you want to take your spanking play even further, invest in a beginner-friendly spanking paddle. This toy allows a greater range of movement and a different texture than your hand and will give you some unique sensations, too.

Recommended for Spanking

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