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9 Ways to Step Up Your Sex Game
on Jul 24, 2020
There are few activities as pleasurable and exciting as sex, but sometimes it can become predictable. We can get stuck in the same routines, with go-to positions and toys. So, how can you step up your sex game when the excitement is MIA?
Here are a few of my top tips to get you started.
1. Role play
Role play is one of the best ways of flirting with your sexual fantasies, and it's no surprise that a lot of us enjoy exploring possible erotic scenarios through acting, fantasy and imagination.
Role play often relies on breaking taboos and creating power dynamics but, of course, communication and safety come first! So have a convo before you start playing french maid, teacher, doctor, masseuse... plus don't forget to grab a fab outfit.
2. Bondage
BDSM is a term used to describe certain aspects of sex that can be split into three major groups: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism.
It is all about consensual power exchange practice – in a healthy BDSM relationship, all partners aim to please each other, and set their own boundaries. Neither partner is ever truly out of control.
BDSM can be misunderstood, but all it means is that you're into kinky sex play! In fact, BDSM doesn't need to include sex at all – it can be simple play with floggers, or taking away one of the partner's senses (e.g. blindfolding them).
It can involve hair play, temperature play, sensory experiences, spanking... you name it. There are so many things to enjoy.
3. Sexy books
When we need to learn something new, where do we go? Often, we turn to the internet and social media... but it's always nice to have a physical book there to refer to when we are a little bit stuck.
New to BDSM? Try a bondage book, and learn the ropes (and gags and handcuffs) of bondage through a verified source. It's always more helpful than scrolling the internet for hours.
4. Talk dirty
Most people feel embarrassed and a bit ridiculous at the thought of trying dirty talk.
Dirty talk is an often overlooked but powerful tool in erotic play. It is there to activate the imagination and add an air of liberation to your naked rendezvous. My tips for it:
-Before sex, talk about what you want, what you don't want and any triggers you will have to navigate.
-During sex talk about what you like, and specifically describe what it is you like about it.
-Be super descriptive – instead of just 'That feels good', say 'It feels good when you stroke my...'
-Start via text if you want to ease yourself into dirty talk.
-Don't swear too much if your partner isn't into it.
5. More foreplay
Foreplay is any sexual activity that happens before sex. That said, sex doesn't need to be the main course or even on the menu – great foreplay is super hot!
Foreplay helps build emotional intimacy that can make you and your sexual partner feel more connected in and out of the bedroom, and releases endorphins to make you feel happy and reduce stress.
Not sure where to start? Try a foreplay game to really elevate an erotic experience!
6. Edging
Edging (aka surfing, peaking, teasing etc) is the exercise of stopping yourself from reaching orgasm right when you're on the cusp – the metaphorical 'edge' before you fall off the cliff into a sexual release!
You basically stop sexual stimulation just before you come, wait about 30 seconds, and then start stimulating yourself again, repeating this until you're ready to orgasm.
Edging can bring awareness of your own sexual responses to both solo and partnered sexual play. I always like to encourage doing this with a toy, such as a clitoral stimulator or male stroker.
7. Upgrade your toy collection
Embark on a sex toy journey! The toy is never going to replace a partner, it is there to be an extension of your sexual self.
And if you have a sexual partner, you can embark on your sex toy journey together with shared excitement, building a tool kit, building excitement, and elevating your sex life.
8. Lube
The wetter the better is what I say! No matter what you enjoy, lube will always make it better.
Everyone should use lube – your own personal lubrication is not an indication of how aroused you are! Natural lubricant can vary with our menstrual cycle and age.
Experiment with different types of lube to find what works for you.
9. Orgasm gel
Arousal gels are designed to be applied to the clitoris, stimulating erogenous zones by increasing circulation to those areas.
Orgasm gels like Ignite create a warming, tingling sensation, enhancing sensitivity. How fun!
Chantelle Otten is an award-winning sex therapist and relationship specialist in Melbourne, Australia. You can follow her on Instagram, and find out more at chantelleotten.com.