Spanking and Whipping for Beginners

by Lovehoney

on May 2, 2017

If the idea of mixing a little pain with your pleasure appeals, make sure you have the right tools to make the most of your fantasy.

If you want to increase the sensitivity of your partner’s skin, a spanking paddle or flogger will help set their senses alight. If you want to accessorise a dominant persona or make their skin sting, try a riding crop or a traditional cane.

This guide has some fabulous advice that will have you whipping your partner into a frenzy in no time.

Above: Discover the proper way to spank for pleasure with Jess Wilde in our how-to video.


Spanking is when a hand or object is slapped against the skin to provide sensation, and bring circulation to the surface for better sensitivity. Spanking does not always have to be painful, and can be used to complement pleasurable sensations.

Erotic spanking can be enjoyed as part of role play, as a punishment in a BDSM scenario or even during intercourse to increase the endorphin rush.

You should always discuss spanking before trying it with your partner. An unexpected spank could be scary, a major turn-off or even bring back memories of a traumatic experience, which could lead to a very different result to the one you were hoping for. Never surprise spank!

How to Spank

First, set up a safe word, and discuss what you're both comfortable with, and what you're hoping to achieve from spanking. Are you looking to enhance role play? Experiment with pain? Do you want the odd spank during sex, or a full-blown over-the-knee spanking session?

Once that's been decided and agreed upon, the best way to try out spanking is to use your hands first. Cup your hand slightly, with your fingers together and spank lightly in an upward motion.

It's best (and safest) to aim for fleshy parts of the body, such as the bum, backs of the thighs and the 'thutt' (the spot where the thigh meets the butt!). These areas are well cushioned to receive impact, and also send ripples of sensation through sensitive areas such as the genitals.

They're also areas of the body which are usually covered by clothing, so if you and your partner decide you like hard spanks which could leave a mark, you won't have to worry about answering tricky questions in the office the next day!

"I love a good spank, either with objects or my husband's hand. It takes my breath away." - Lovehoney Community Member

Never spank above the waist, over the spine or kidneys or over joints such as the backs of the knees. This is dangerous, so good aim is very important.

Once you have become comfortable with spanking, try doing it harder and more frequently, timing each spank to arrive no later than three seconds apart. Vary the pressure, frequency and placement of the slaps to create variety, spread sensation and increase anticipation.

For many people who enjoy being spanked, it's the time between each spank, and not knowing when the next will come, which is the most exciting.

If you want to take your spanking play even further, invest in a beginner-friendly spanking paddle. This will allow a greater range of movement and the different texture will give you some unique sensations too.

If your agreed safe word is used, stop play immediately.

These spanking paddles are Lovehoney customer favourites:


A flogger is a whip with many tails which can be used anywhere on the body but particularly the back, bottom or thighs. Depending on the size, weight and number of tails, a flogger can produce a range of sensations, from widespread thuds to multiple stings at once.

Start with a flogger made of soft materials, with thick tails and rounded ends.

"Being spanked with a whip is a big turn on" - Lovehoney Community Member

Begin by gently running the tails over the skin to get your partner accustomed to the feel of a flogger. Then start flogging your partner by swinging the whip in a figure of eight motion, using the flogger at different proximities to your partner to discover the best way to use it.

Floggers are a wonderfully versatile tool to bring into the bedroom, particularly for couples who like the idea of power play, but aren't 'into pain', as they can be used similarly to a feather tickler to stroke and tickle sensitive areas of the body.

They can also provide gentle impact if you choose. For this, hold the flogger with the tails pointing towards the floor, and flick your wrist towards your partners bumcheeks. How close you hold the flogger to your partner's skin will alter the sensation, so experiment to find out what they like best.

Never flog anywhere near the face or eyes.

As with all impact play, always agree upon a safe word before play, and use it if you want play to stop.

These floggers are Lovehoney customer favourites:


Remember, spanking is the (enjoyable) activity of one partner hitting another. Outside of the bedroom this would be completley unacceptable and, although super-arousing and exciting in the moment, can leave one or both of you feeling uncertain after the fun is over.

Known as 'sub-drop', sometimes the submissive partner can feel a wash of sadness when playtime has finished and the endorphins have worn off.

Aftercare is the process of reassuring your partner that you care for them. Lots of hugs, loving touches and an open chat about the experience you've just shared are great ways to do this.

Additionally, with spanking, some physical aftercare is good too. Some spanking can be quite testing on the skin, so it's always a good idea to soothe the area afterwards with a cooling, nourishing lotion, a cool pack or after-spanking cream. Some after-spanking creams also contain arnica to help reduce bruising.

When you're more advanced

Once you've mastered the spanking basics, you can consider moving onto whips, canes, or crops.

Because these toys are much slimmer, it focuses the sensations on a much smaller area, rather than spreading it out across your skin to reduce the impact.

The result? Stinging sensations that make your skin much more sensitive. These tools are perfect for couples who want more pain with their pleasure.

Want to find out more?

  1. sex advice from Lovehoney forum
  2. sex toy advice from Lovehoney

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Written by Lovehoney. For collaborative posts between Lovehoney team members and guest authors
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Originally published on May 2, 2017. Updated on Aug 6, 2020