No Cap Sex Chat with Chantelle: The December Edition

by Chantelle Otten

on Dec 6, 2021

Matters of the heart and the bedroom aren’t always the easiest to navigate on your own. Sometimes we need a little advice to help us out and of course, your mates, your family or even your partner are great to turn to but let’s be real, who better than an award-winning sexologist? Chantelle Otten is here to give you all the answers your sex and relationship questions.

chantelle headshot

1. "I feel confident by myself but how can I feel confident in my own skin when I'm with another person?"

This is a great question!

You probably have to think about what it is you’re afraid of. Is it the fear they might not like what they see?

Well, I know anyone who is engaging in sexual activity with you is blessed, and you should feel the same way too! You and your body are a gift, so don't ever forget that.

I think those times where you don’t feel as confident, you need to fake it until you make it. I'm not talking about faking orgasms, I'm talking about faking confidence. Take some time to get ready and look bomb, pop on new lingerie and walk into the bedroom (or wherever you are) and get ready to rock each other's worlds.

Shock them with all of your confidence. Knock their socks off. And when you start getting the reactions which show you how amazed they are at you, hopefully this will make you feel more settled with this new found confidence in yourself.

21 10 07 Make It Magic Lingerie 26

2. "Is it still considered sex if there's no penetration or no one orgasms?"

Wow, my favourite question. It absolutely is sex even if it is non-penetrative and no one orgasms. Who told us we need to have penetration and orgasms for sex to be considered “real sex” or “successful”? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: sex is what you make it!

Anything you do on the sexual menu is considered sex and it’s about pleasure, not performance. So drop into your erotic scenario, pick something off the menu that’ll have you feeling amazing, add in some new toys and enjoy!


3. "Does having a higher sex count consider you better at sex to others?"

No, not at all. Remember, quality over quantity. It’s kind of like when people tell me they have sex every day, but they don’t enjoy it. I’m sure they also tell others they have sex every day, but they don’t tell them it’s not fun.

Essentially sex is about quality, pleasure and presence. Some people have a lot more sex, but often it can be sex in the same way, with the same sexual script. Now, this doesn’t mean the person is aware of how to have great sex, and evolve and develop their sexual repertoire and experience.

So going forward, remember that cooperation and sexual self awareness is the best tool you can have in the bedroom. Aim for a mutually pleasurable time and enjoy yourself.

Chantelle Otten

Written by Chantelle Otten. Lovehoney Australia's Resident Sexologist
Helping to ensure empowerment, sexual wellbeing and pleasure are at the center of all your sexual experiences

Originally published on Dec 6, 2021. Updated on Dec 6, 2021