Exploring Your Fantasies: a Five-Day Challenge from Chantelle Otten

Day 1 - Role Play

Role play can be a lot of fun and involve a lot of laughs. Laughter and sex go hand in hand in my eyes!

If you have ever wanted to try role play, then remember that any type of sex-related or kinky role play starts from one place: your imagination.

So, what turns you on in your head? Is it the doctor who took care of your every need? Maybe your massage therapist who took things a little further than the towel? Maybe it's a vampire series you have been reading.

In role play, your imagination is the limit.

Once you've picked a scenario, write it down. Then, make a note of what you will need for this role play (e.g. an outfit, a location, tools, pick a time).

Now that you've got a plan for your session, talk to your partner! Remember to have a proper chat. List off your expectations, boundaries and safe words.

When it's time to get started, remember to ease into it. For some, role play can feel a little silly or even daunting. You can try getting the ball rolling with some sexy texting. This way, you can use your imagination without saying anything out loud. Once you get comfortable with typing, you'll get comfortable with saying your lines.

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Day 2 - Playing with a Toy in Public

Something about having sex in public is thilling. It's forbidden, oh-so naughty and irresistible to thrill seekers and the more reserved alike.

For discreet public orgasms, I suggest trying a toy. The following toys are remote or app controlled, will stay in place, and are silent enough to not draw attention.

• Remote control knickers   for clitoral action
• Egg vibrator   for internal action
• Cock ring   to surprise the shlong
• G-spot and clitoral toys   for dual pleasure

Before you head out the door, make a plan with your partner. Be sure to discuss your expectations and be specific about where you want to go and what kind of toys you want to use. Will you put the toys on before you leave? Do you need to bring lube?

Finally, make sure your toys are clean, your apps are installed and your remotes have batteries

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Day 3 - BDSM

Did you find the Fifty Shades trilogy irresistible? You aren't alone. Today is about going beyond the vanilla and exploring the world of BDSM, which stands for bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M).

Although many of us like to see ourselves as forward-thinking, open-minded individuals, we often live inside a neat little box when it comes to sex. And whilst there is nothing wrong with this, sometimes we suppress our deepest sexual urges and desires in a bid to conform – and to what end?

Sex is an ever-evolving art – and part of your journey is to break the mould.

With your partner, discuss the following elements of BDSM and see if any of them appeal to you as a couple.

Bondage and Discipline Element of BDSM

This refers to erotic acts where the submissive partner is trained and restrained.

The restraining element is the bondage side of things. It often involves the submissive being handcuffed to a bedpost, their partner or themself, or using ropes or more.

With discipline, there is a focus on behaviour modification, with the submissive's behaviour being corrected with punishments (these can be physical like spanking, or psychological, like erotic humiliation).

Would you try spanking, ropes or handcuffs, being punished or punishing? If you would consider even one of these, then we have a foundation.

Dominant and Submissive Element of BDSM

In a BDSM relationship, there is always a Dominant and a submissive partner.

The Dominant partner is in charge of dominating the submissive. Males are called Doms and females are called Dommes.

The submissive partner gives up control. Submissives of all genders are called subs.

Would you try being dominant, being submissive, being in charge, or letting someone else be in charge? If you would consider even one of these, then we have a foundation.

Sadism and Masochism Element of BDSM

This simply refers to the giving and receiving of pain. The masochist experiences pleasure by being inflicted with pain. The sadist gains pleasure from administering pain.

Either the Dom or submissive can gain pleasure from giving or receiving pain.

Before you dive into any of these elements, think about your expectations of the night. What are your boundaries? What are your safe words?

If you don't know whether you would be a Dom or a sub, it's about trial and error. I suggest in your BDSM night, you choose to alternate between you taking control and releasing control.

When you're the Dominant, you can:

• Tie your partner's hands with  handcuffs  and order them to give you oral sex
• Tell your partner to lay across your lap and use a  paddle  on their legs and bum
• Restrain your partner to the bed   and have control over what sexual acts you perform on them
• Give an order, and be specific: "I want you to stand up, stand facing me in front of the fireplace, and remove your shirt"

When you're the submissive, you will agree to:

• Obey the rules your partner sets out
• Be spanked
• Be handcuffed

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Day 4 - Sensory Deprivation

Did you know that when a person loses a sense, the body compensates for this lack of sense, causing the other senses to be heightened? For example, when you take away a person's sight – they can touch, feel and hear better.

For this date night, I am going to give you a few examples of how to play with sensory deprivation in the bedroom.

Sense of Sight

To lose the sense of sight, use a blindfold in a soft material (satin or silk). After blindfolding your partner, plant a kiss on their lips. Lick and nibble your way down to the neck, bite it gently and go back to licking and nibbling. Use your tongue to play with your partner's body – their body is your playground.

Take time to build anticipation. Whisper things in their ear, and continue nibbling on it. Plant kisses on your partner's collar bone.

Keep the blindfold on and move to ...

Sense of Hearing

Deprive your partner of their sense of hearing by putting earmuffs over their ears or putting on a sensual playlist. This will heighten the anticipation even further.

You can also be extremely quiet so your partner doesn't know what you are doing next. If they still have their blindfold on, then you can tease them with moans and breaths in their ears, or the sound of the slap of a [flogger] (/bondage/spankers-ticklers/floggers/) on the bed.

Sense of Touch

Pour some scented oil on your body and on your partner's body. Give them a body massage by rubbing your body against theirs. Use your hands and every inch of your body.

Sense of Taste

Stick to foods that they like (we are not here to scare them with chilli). Pick foods like strawberries, whipped cream and dark chocolate. Get them to eat whipped cream off your nipples or bite into a strawberry and kiss them.

Sense of Smell

Have a long shower beforehand and lather up. Wear the perfume or cologne that they love. Dab essential oils on your skin.

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Day 5 - Dominating a Partner

It's time for you to be the boss. With the right attitude, an open mindset and the right tools at your disposal, you will find that becoming dominant in the bedroom is fun, doable and empowering!

Please remember to go slow, we don't want anyone to get hurt. Learning how to be a good Dom/Domme to a partner takes time.

Some low-key activities to start now could include kissing your partner when they are not expecting it, running your hand up and down their thighs to let them know what you're thinking about, taking them by the hand and leading them somewhere private, telling them you are in charge, and leaning forward and biting their lip.

The next step up would be to tell them that you want to try something new, like pinning their arms and tying them to the bed, handcuffing their hands behind their back and then "having your way with them" by giving them oral sex, or asking them to go down on you and then using your hands on their head to guide it to exactly where you want them to focus on.

You could start with giving simple orders or commands, like:

• Go and warm the bed for me
• You're going to taste me
• You don't get to cum until I say so, okay?
• You're not allowed to orgasm until I cum at least twice.

You can also decide whether you want to be a Dom/Domme that punishes bad behaviour or rewards good behaviour. Maybe you want to be both?

When planning your dominating, you should also think about your safe words, your limits and what tools and toys you will use. If you are not sure, try this bondage kit. Remember to be open with your partner and talk about what you would both like to use and not like to use.

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Chantelle Otten is an award-winning sex therapist and relationship specialist in Melbourne, Australia. You can follow her on Instagram, and find out more at chantelleotten.com.