7 Things They Never Tell You About Anal Play

by Lovehoney

on May 24, 2022

We’re all about anal play.

anal fingering peach

Anal play is classified as any sexual activity involving the anus and can be used to refer to sexual activities that incorporate, more broadly, the bum - anal intercourse, rim jobs, anal stimulation, just to name a few. We dedicate this blog to dishing some anal play truths and debunking myths about anal sex.

Homosexuality and anal sex were decriminalised throughout Australia by 1997.

Outdated attitudes still exist, but many organisations and individuals are dedicated to fighting against them. So, there's no reason to shy away from the topic of anal sex and play, and there's no reason not to bust some major anal sex myths.

In no particular order, here are 5 things they never tell you about anal play.

Not All Straight Men are Into Penetrative Anal Sex

You’re likely familiar with the sitcom trope of the heterosexual male begging his girlfriend for anal sex - an anal sex myth just waiting to be debunked.

Not all heterosexual guys are chasing after bum-based action, just as not all gay men are into receiving penetration. YLWYL: You like what you like - and we dig what you do!

While we’re here, some straight men are into receiving anal penetration and anal stimulation - and just as they should be. The anus is rich in touch-sensitive nerves, so a strap-on dildo, a finger inserted in the booty, or using butt plugs can make for some pleasurable anal sex or vaginal sex.

Each person has their own sexual preferences, and when you just assume, you make an ass out of u and me (especially when it comes to ass-based activity).

Women Do Enjoy Anal Play

By the same token that not all straight men are into anal play, lots of women do enjoy it.

Pop culture would have us believe that women tolerate anal sex to fulfill their partners’ fantasies - another myth about anal play to be busted.

Anal play can feel especially good for women, not just because of all the pleasurable nerve endings that surround the anus (more on that later) but also because of the clitoris. O tell me more.

What we can see of the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg. It extends behind the vaginal wall and is shaped kind of like a wishbone.

For some people, the arms of that wishbone extend down by the anus, so it’s possible to stimulate the clitoris via booty play as well as via vaginal or oral sex!

Whether you’re a vulva-owner who does enjoy anal sex, hasn’t tried it, or isn’t into keen on it - we’re here to tell you: that’s okay. If it feels good then go off!

Enjoying Anal Play Doesn’t “make you gay”

Everybody has an anus. So, why would anal play just be for gay men?

The sensations you find pleasurable aren’t connected to your sexual orientation and they’re totally normal. If anything, what you find pleasurable is down to your physiology. We’ve unpacked this anal sex myth a little more in our blog "Does Liking Anal Play Mean I'm Gay?".

We know that the best way to stimulate the prostate (male G-spot) is via the anus (and that’s why there are so many incredible prostate massagers to choose from).

Many men, regardless of their sexuality, have reported that the orgasms they experience as a result of anal play feel more powerful.

All things considered, there’s no reason to deprive yourself of an experience you enjoy, and there’s no such thing as “making” somebody gay.

Women Can Orgasm from Anal Play

Roughly only 20-30% of women orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex.

Yet so much of pornography is women having earth-shattering orgasms just five minutes into penetration. Come on, adult film directors! Lift your game.

Every woman’s pelvic nerve branches out in a different way, so don’t feel like there is something wrong with you if penetration alone won’t let you get your rocks off.

The anal walls are rich with nerve endings, and it could very well be the area that brings on your Big O.

Want to test the waters? Check out our range of anal sex toys.

Anal Play Shouldn’t Hurt

I think we are conditioned to expect that anal play will be slightly painful to some degree. It also seems that the pain is just the price to pay if we want to involve our bums in the bedroom.

This belief is problematic because pain is the body’s way of telling us that we need to stop what we’re doing at once!

Good anal play shouldn’t hurt.

Of course, if you find anal sex hurts, then you should indeed heed your body’s advice and pause.

If anal sex is causing pain, you may need to use more anal lube (since the anus isn’t self-lubricating), you may need to go slower, or you may need to use a finger or small anal toy until your bum gets used to the sensation. If things still aren’t running smoothly, it’s a good idea to bring it up with your partner or maybe chat to a medical professional.

If people believe that you need to put up with pain during anal play, someone’s going to end up seriously hurt (it’s us, we’ll be sad if people think it’s all pain and no gain).

Anal Play Doesn’t Have to Be Dirty

Contrary to what you might have heard, anal play doesn’t have to be unclean. That’s not to say you can’t make it dirrty - we’ll leave that part up to you.

You may or may not know that faecal matter hangs out in the colon, higher than the lower part of the rectum and the anal canal - your booty play-ground.

If you want to make sure things are spick and span, using a douche can help you relax into anal play with the knowledge that you are fully cleansed, prepared, and comfortable.

Cleaning before re-entering the vagina is good to note too. Considering things like vaginal pH and the difference between the butt hole and the vagina, it’s a good idea to change the condom or have a clean before diving into vaginal intercourse from anal play.

Anal Sex Won’t Stretch Out Your Anus

As with anything, with frequent anal sex, your anus learns to become more relaxed. But, there’s no need to worry about things loosening or losing control of your bowel movements.

Safe and healthy anal sex can be very pleasurable and will allow you to consciously relax without fear of things getting stretched out...

If you’re looking to make your debut into the world of anal sex, don’t believe everything you hear at first.

There’s lots to be discovered.

Unfortunately, the bum was once an extremely taboo topic and anal sex myths are still around. But in 2022, everyone should have access to accurate information about the joys of anal play.

Explore Lovehoney's Top Anal Toys


Written by Lovehoney. For collaborative posts between Lovehoney team members and guest authors
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Originally published on May 24, 2022. Updated on May 25, 2022