Silent & Discreet: Top 8 Quietest Vibrator List

Do you live with people who have ears? Are your bedroom walls so thin you hear people sighing on the other side? You need a discreet vibrator to pleasure yourself without announcing it to your neighbours...

Lovehoney has tried and tested a range of toys, and carefully selected the best quiet vibrators for your discreet pleasure.

Naturally, we hear from tons of peeps who are looking for secret masturbation, secret vibrators, silent vibrators and discreet vibrators. Let’s face it, if you live alone you can buff your muff around the clock without anyone knowing your biz, however loud your vibe. Go for it.

But if you share a flat or house or live with family, things can get tricky. We get it – when and how often you want to polish the pearl is for you alone to know. That’s when a discreet vibrator, silent vibrator or secret vibrator comes in handy.

You’re in luck, ‘cuz many members of the wild and wonderful vibrator family can deliver whisper-quiet quivers without compromising on pussy power. With one of these, your secret masturbation can remain your secret while a discreet vibrator pops your cookies.

We’ve done the hard yards (tough job, but someone’s got to do it) and tried and tested a range of the quietest vibrators. Here are our tips for the quietest toys designed purely for your pleasure. You can also check out the Lovehoney Forum for more opinions and tips.

Best for portable power

Lovehoney mon ami Silicone Bullet Massager

This beauty may be small in size, but it packs a punch. Bullet vibrators are discreet vibrators, so they tend to be the quietest of all sex toys. This cute, little, banana yellow vibe comes with 10 powerful speeds and patterns. Magic. And best of all, you can control it with a single button, leaving you to focus on rainbows and unicorns on your way to Candyland.

What customers say: "Very quiet, and good power, worth every penny"

Buy it here

Best for discreet travel

Lovehoney Flash 7 Function Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator

Enjoy secret masturbation when you turn on the powerful yet whisper-quiet vibrations of this discreet stealth-like lover. Ideal for rubbin’ the nubbin, this USB-rechargeable, finger-shaped vibe slays you every time with 4 speeds, 3 patterns and a precision tip to ring your bell.

What customers say: "This product is amazing. I bought it to spice up my our sex life and it is great to use alone and together! Great settings, different intensities and vibrations, would 100% recommend"

Buy it here

Best for hitting your G-spot

Happy Rabbit G-Spot Rechargeable Rabbit Vibrator

Aussies prefer their rabbits buttering the biscuit rather than roaming the Outback. And this little bunny can be your secret vibrator. It delivers intense pleasure and a mega dollop of vajingo happiness. Do you adore G-spot stim while your pretty pistachio gets primed for peak passion? Feel the soaring arousal delivered by 2 strong motors, 12 shaft functions and 3 ear speeds. You may find the internal shaft tips you over the edge to the Big O.

What customers say: "The toy is so soft and flexible, allowing for easy insertion and smooth play. The head of the rabbit could also be used for clitoral stimulation as it's just so soft! Other rabbits haven’t fit me anatomically - the rabbit ears are normally way too high or low - but this is perfect"

Buy it here

Best for secret stimulation

Lovehoney Dare Discreet Necklace Vibrator
$39.95 $99.95 You save: $60.00 (60%)

For fashion that's the perfect complement to your passion, look no further than this gorgeous rose gold-coloured necklace. Housing a teeny vibrator teeming with mighty vibes, it's a statement piece that means your own power to please is always at hand.

What customers say: "Firstly looks lovely and classy so easy to hide and travel with really hits the spot if you play with it externally as vibrations are both quiet and powerful"

Buy it here

Best for luxurious fun

Desire Luxury Rechargeable Remote Control Love Egg Vibrator

Grab one of these eggs for egg-cellent erotic play. Have a ton of fun on your lonesome or with your flame. This discreet vibrator offers the blissful sensations of 8 patterns and 12 levels of adjustable intensity. It even has a travel lock so the airport inspection doesn’t set off any alarms. Rest assured, this silken silicone siren is whisper-quiet for secret masturbation or the most delicious couple’s play. As a bonus, it is wirelessly operated, so your beau can stand back and deliver the goods. Let the games begin...

What customers say: "The egg can be used externally as well as internally, but it's inside where it really does its magic. I find that it hits the spot - and more. The range of pulse patterns means you can suit your mood, and the varying intensity is a lot of fun - especially if your partner has hold of the remote"

Buy it here

Best for long-distance couple’s play

We-Vibe Chorus App and Remote Controlled Rechargeable Couple's Vibrator

If you’re in Sydney and your kinky companion is somewhere Back of Beyond, you can still hop on the good foot and do the bad thing with them at a distance. This discreet vibrator is great for hands-free and long-distance loving for couples. Or use it together during real live bonking – as one internal arm teases both G-spot and visiting donger while the external arm gives your lady button a thrill. This glorious gadget is heaven-sent. With its 10 rumbling vibration modes, the remote connects the Chorus to the free We-Connect app, which shares the toy's controls with your partner, wherever they may be across this wide brown land.

What customers say: "We love this toy. It's the only couple's toy we've had any success with during PIV. It's pretty much hands-free, and it's really comfortable in a whole host of positions (for both me and Mrs Chimp). And it's got so many different options and ways to use it. Love it"

Buy it here

Best for beginners

Fifty Shades of Grey Charlie Tango Classic Vibrator 6 Inch

Fifty Shades fans will love this super-smooth classic vibrator. Top-notch in the discreet vibrator stakes for both solo and couple’s play, it has a firm body and rounded tip so you can get off on the 3 powerful vibration speeds and 4 patterns that will tempt, tease and satisfy. Fully waterproof so you and your yellow duckie can make playtime in the bath more grown-up.

What customers say: "Extremely well made and finished with seven powerful vibrations. The rounded end is comfortable and the exterior is silky smooth. Our old vibrators have all gone into retirement. My wife and I both highly recommend this vibrator"

Buy it here

Best for girth

Lovehoney Silencer Whisper Quiet Classic Vibrator 7 Inch

Any vibe with ‘Silencer’ in the name would be perfect for a spot of secret masturbation. It’s gotta be a silent vibrator, right? If the pink wang doesn’t send you, check out the wickedly powerful vibrations along its 7 inches of insertable length and 4.75-inch circumference. Wow, it fills you up. This discreet vibrator is whisper-quiet, battery-powered and 100% waterproof, a silent BFF you’re gonna love.

What customers say: "This thing is a little miracle worker! I am not ashamed to say that I have had difficulty being satisfied in sex and in masturbation, and this little device smashed all of my worries out the window! It is amazing"

Buy it here
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