Dark Magic Inflatable Remote Control Thrusting Sex Machine

We decided to take the plunge into a sex machine and chose this one as a starter. I have to admit at first it looked a little daunting but once the wife had straddled it I could see her eyes rolling into the back of her head. Admittedly to begin with we had to lube it up lots, also it’s probably wise to work yourself onto it whilst it’s not in motion as when it switches on it goes hell for leather. Only found 2 issues with it. First of all it takes more batteries than originally advertised (8 C type not 6) luckily we bought rechargeable ones as this is going to get plenty of use. Second issue was trying to inflate it. I ended up giving up with the foot pump and went out to buy a mains powered pump which had it inflated in less than 5 minutes. Well worth the money in our opinion.

Once the machine is set up, I found it to be a joy. The operative word here is ONCE. Yes they have included a manual footpump but it takes a good forty-five minutes to inflate it. I'm all for getting warmed up prior to sexual activity, but this was ridiculous. I’m not sure how many people warm up to a spot of masturbation with a good 45 minute work-out. I know I don’t. Once inflated, the chair I found to be rather comfortable. The position of the inflated knee rests was spot on for me, and I had plenty of space either side of me without feeling swamped by it (I’m about 5ft 5” and a size 16). Right, so it is all inflated, and the batteries are included for the little remote control. Once you’ve unwrapped your dildo of choice (and gotten over the quite frankly awful smell that they have), you think you are all set to go, right? Wrong! Now is the time you realise you need literally a gazillion type C batteries to power the fucking unit. So, you’ve potentially parted with around £200 for a machine, and there are no batteries in the unit. Seriously? It just feels so cheap to ask someone to pay that much for something and you can’t even use it straight away, but must spend some more money on some batteries. I’m also surprised it is powered this way, as I have a suspicion that, as this thing goes literally like the clappers, I dread to think how much money would be wasted on batteries if you were to use it regularly. Yes, many toys are still battery run, but with AA and AAA batteries you can at least get rechargeable options. We were about an hour all in to ‘operation fucking machine’ by the time I actually got to try it. Out of the long, girthy and curved dildo options, I went for the curved, as I was keen to see what my g-spot made of it. Here we encountered the second ‘what the heck was this company thinking?’ point in proceedings. Even having read a previous review, NOTHING quite prepared me for the machine starting to thrust at full tilt the moment you switch it on. I am convinced that even those of you out there who might be thinking ‘ah yes, but I prefer a good hard dicking’ might find that first thrust takes you somewhat by surprise, and not necessarily in a good way. You have a choice of two speeds: fast, or faster. Once I’d gotten over the initial shock, I was quite happy with this, as for g-spot stimulation I need hard and fast, and it can do both with aplomb, but why was there not slower settings? I’ve had my fair share of vibrators and I don’t recall any of them having their hardest and fastest settings as the first option when first switched on. Right, amongst all of this doom and gloom there were some positives! I did very much enjoy using it, and given a bit of practice with position I think I will be able to have hands-free g-spot orgasms and possibly squirting too. There is a solution to the over-zealous initial thrusting as well: I found that if I squeezed my muscles around the dildo, I had the strength to stop the thrusting altogether. Whilst I’m aware that this is probably very bad for the motor in the unit, it is a far more pleasant way to start using it, as I could then gently release my grip on the dildo to control the rate of thrusting. This technique also worked a treat when changing position, when I just wanted to slow things down rather than stop completely. By far and away the highlight of this machine, one that I didn’t fore-see, was what an absolute thrill it was for my husband to watch me use it. He has never liked using dildos on me and yet for some reason watching me on the machine was nearly as enjoyable for him as it was for me. It is, with a little bit of careful manoeuvring, entirely possible to simulate a threesome, which, for all of it’s faults, was a blessed discovery. It almost made up for all the faff and extra cost. Almost. Due to (unrelated) injury I’ve not been able to test it as thoroughly as I would have liked prior to writing a review, but I think this machine does have potential for other uses and work-arounds which I fully intend to explore at a later date. I see no reason why this couldn’t be used for anal, albeit with a massive amount of warm-up prior to that first thrust. Also, to save on time and aggravation, you could use the unit without the chair allowing the dildo to be positioned facing vertically, as well as horizontally. It just feels like such a shame that, for retailing the whole set at maybe £10-£20 more to include the batteries and a better pump (we spent £10 on a little USB chargeable pump, inflated in 10 minutes), they could have produced a far more accessible and enjoyable machine. Yes I am definitely going to use it again, but I assumed that with a higher price item like this, that the need for work-arounds and the feeling of compromise wouldn’t be as prevalent as they are here. Shame.

Well what can I say I now do NOT need a man! I can control it to the right speed so the sex is my way the way I want it I would definitely recommend lube as the pounding I got is like nothing I’ve felt before (in a good way) beat of all you chose the size and in a position I want I just spread my legs in the position I want and press the on button no more let downs and no mess after 😉

So....super excited to be asked to test this in exchange for an honest review. I have tried a sex machine many years ago but they've come a long way since then so I had high hopes for this. It arrived in a large plain brown box. I was expecting it to be quite heavy but surprisingly it isn't and I was able to get it upstairs by myself fairly easily. The machine comes neatly packed in a box which suits the title. Dark blue/black with a picture of a woman enjoying it. Firstly DO NOT attempt to assemble this without first reading the instructions. They are very clear and are in easy to follow pictures as well as text. It does have a smell but its not overpowering and I'm guessing it would disappear fairly quickly. The vibrators are realistic in appearance but are clammy and not very pleasant to touch...these also smell. A fairly substantial foot pump is included which attaches easily to the inflatable chair. Hear is where my problems began. I timed how long it took to inflate.....35 minutes of continuous pumping !! By the time it was inflated I was exhausted and my legs were like jelly. This has one of those little clear plastic valves which are often seen on blow up beach balls etc. Unfortunately there is nothing to stop the air escaping as soon as the inflating nozzle is removed so it took a few attempts to get the stopper pushed in with more pumping needed in between each attempt. The leg rests inflate separately and these were incredibly difficult. Being such a small area as soon as I removed the nozzle to push in the cap they went completely flat and I had to start again. Have to say I nearly gave up at this point but I was determined not to let this get the better of me. The thrusting part of this ....you've guessed it, also needs inflating and has the exact same issues. Several attempts again to get it reasonably firm and the stopper secured. At this point the batteries need to be inserted which go in a removable compartment....the easiest part so far. The cuff which goes around the part where the vibrator screws into is also inflatable and......well, I just couldn't find a way to stop the air escaping completely while trying to insert the stopper. It is usable without this being inflated though. Right. The vibrators need to have the batteries inserted and the screw on end provided to fit onto the machine. You cant use their normal ends. I didn't read this part of the instructions and it took me a while to figure it out. The thrusting part just drops into the space on the seat and sits there reasonably securely. The whole thing is now ready for use but this had taken me just over an hour. Its worth mentioning that you can alter the height of the thrusting vibrator by increasing/decreasing the amount of air in the part it attaches to, just in case you find its aligned with your belly button ! Using this does not come without its issues either. Firstly its very unstable. Unless you keep your weight dead central the whole chair rolls over and you end up deposited on the floor. So very carefully I positioned myself onto the vibrator, took the remote control and turned it on..........and shot backwards ending up on the floor again ! This turns on at full speed and it was one hell of a shock ! It would be far more sensible in my opinion to have it start slowly and then build up. I played with this for quite a while but I just couldn't get on with it at all. it has 3 thrusting speeds but to be honest I found them all a bit too vigorous for me. the vibrators are really buzzy in nature and I don't do buzzy. They are designed to be used as stand alone vibrators and for that purpose I guess they are adequate with a good bit of flexibility. The positioning of the leg rests seems a bit off and I actually found it better to bend my knees up and put my feet on then. I lost count of the number of times the chair and I ended up lying sideways on the floor. Its also noisy. I left it on and went downstairs and could still easily hear it. Dismantling it is relatively simple. Just remove the vibrator, open the air valves and roll it up. It does actually all fit back in the box so it would be fairly easy to store. This to me seems badly designed. It takes an age to inflate, it really needs valves that stop the air from escaping. The leg rests don't seem to be set in the right place and the whole thing just topples over if you move even slightly to one side. Given the power of the thrusting, it s quite vigorous, its impossible to keep still enough for it not to roll over.