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PirateQueen's review of Lovehoney Oh! Talk Dirty Playing Cards
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A little bit of red hot
Reviewed: 24 January 2017 by PirateQueen, a Bisexual Engaged Female
These came with our most recent Lovehoney order - ironically, while Lovehoney is famed for the speedy delivery, these took longer than usual, but we checked and it wasn't a fault of theirs, but on our end (we're still in Europe, but prefer to order via UK). So Lovehoney is still brilliant, no matter what local postal haze manages to do with the expediency.
If you ever ordered from Lovehoney, you can be rest assured that the packaging will be safe and discrete, in fact, the local postal service also managed to make a little hole into the package, but ladies and gentlemen, it soldiered on, and nothing within was damaged, which is good, as there was a lovely lacy thing in there as well, so a huge thank you to Lovehoney for sending sturdy boxes!
Now on to the deck of cards before you. :)
As you can guess from the product description, these are dirty talk cards. If you want to keep the secret a secret, then please stop reading right here, as a spoiler is coming along right now.
If not, then we'll go right on to the cards themselves.
First of all, the cards come in a cute little box which was itself very well packaged...took my partner's nails to break into, then we divided the deck and started to read (I only got instructions at first, lol, so we had to redo the division XD).
The cards are lovely and smooth, and seem quite sturdy, so if you get carried away, they'll probably survive and won't get torn up completely. There's instructions in there for a proper game, but you can also use them the way we will... as a little one card game. You know, pull one out and say whatever is on there. We do that with our Kama Sutra cards, and it works like a charm.
So what is talking dirty? I must here warn you that to each person, talking dirty is a very different thing. To a very sensitive, concerned individual with a repressive past, saying things like "breasts" or "penis" may be dirty, as can the word "undies", and the word "come" or "cock" may be completely out of the question, as they feel to nervous to use them, fearing public censorship, divine ire or their partner's disgust at their forwardness or lewdness. For a hardened BDSM couple, these may be far too tame, as they may be into a rather extreme type of domination and a little bit of "fuck me like this" is way too vanilla for them, and will make these cards a disappointment.
But for the rest of us, who sit in the golden middle of things, these cards are a lovely addition to our sexual play, with ideas you may or may not have considered, and with some that may get you to think of your own, or some that you may want to discard.
In general, it is good to be able to speak your wishes, and there's way too much repression still going around about how those wishes are supposed to be expressed. However, if, like us, you are a very relaxed couple, then there will be very little in here that you would consider too forward, or that you haven't tried yourself... which does not mean you won't enjoy using these cards as a spur of a moment decision guideline (just like you would use dice).
The cards are relatively unisex, and can be used by any couple, so don't worry that they will be too hetero/not hetero enough... if a phrase doesn't suit you, just replace it with something that does.
One thing that irritated me a bit initially was the use of the little star in the word fuck. Seriously? This is a deck of sexual cards that are supposed to teach you to talk dirty, bought from a sex toy store, and they used a star? Oh, well, I guess we can't completely escape censorship, though who can possibly still be offended after buying a deck of sex cards from a sex toy shop is beyond me. Maybe their problem cannot be solved by a little star.
But I will say this... it is so cute a star that it almost works regardless. And I mean that with all my heart.
The phrases and suggestions are mildly put hot for an average person. "I want you to come all over my-" is the one that got me completely fidgety, but there are others.
The only thing I must warn you about is that there are, in the deck, a couple of cards (for us, the count makes ten), that can be stressful to a person who has had, recently or in their life, any form of emotional or physical abuse happen to them. They are meant for the very specific BDSM audience (my partner and I do practice some BDSM, but neither of us has ever been into proper sub/dom divide, nor do we like humiliation or control games), perhaps a tad out of place in an otherwise very average (maybe even vanilla, but pleasantly so!) deck.
It's okay though - you can always put them to the side, or, as I suggested to the love of my life, put nice stickers over with our own ideas. There are two (I think it's two) empty cards in the deck anyway, where you can write whatever you like. If you want to make them last and don't want to commit to a single idea, then why not either use sticky notes that aren't very sticky (so that they stay on but are easily removed again... the surface of this deck should take it) or simply blurt out whatever comes into your head first? Both has definite appeal for both of us.
One more thing on the more BDSM cards - if you practice any form of BDSM as a reclaim thing, then these should be right up your alley. I literally just remembered that and I think it's important to add.
All in all, these cards are great. I expect they will last us a long time, and I definitely think they will make things VERY hot. My firm intention is to use them with other props we have... like dice or our aforementioned Kama Sutra cards. Why not slip into a nice little something (Lovehoney has more lingerie than you could possibly buy in a lifetime, so no wish should be left unfulfilled), grab a card with a position (or use dice for that), grab a card from this deck, roll the dice to decide where, and say... But that's down to the cards, isn't it? ;)
- Practically everything.
- The star, while cute, is a bit much; not all cards work for everyone.
- Bottom line
- A brilliant, brilliant deck you want to have.
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