Top Tips for Non-Penetrative Stimulation

by Lovehoney

on Dec 15, 2016

Lovehoney Student Sex Advice

When we talk about sex, the first thing that comes to mind for most people is 'penis-in-vagina' or some variation of this.

Yet, while that's not incorrect, there are so many other ways to give and receive pleasure than through penetration or being penetrated, which are just as legitimate (and pleasurable) as any other type of sex.

Plenty of folks often opt to have different types of sex instead of standard 'penis in vagina'.

So here are my top picks for non-penetrative types of sex – or, "Outercourse". Some of these suggestions could end up being a new favourite and a bedroom staple, or you might never try them again – but hey, at least you gave it a go!

Why wouldn't you want penetration?

There are a whole host of reasons why a person may choose not to have penetrative sex, varying from medical reasons to just simply not enjoying the sensation.

For example, a friend of mine suffers from vaginismus, a condition which causes the vaginal muscles to spasm and clamp shut involuntarily. Therefore, penetrative sex is out of the question for her as it's too painful, so she prefers to have oral sex or mutually masturbate with her partner.

Another doesn't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, and finds that penetrating somebody or being penetrated causes distress and gender dysphoria.

Finally, a friend who is a wheelchair user is often asked, "How do you have sex?", or on several occasions, the far less sensitive, "Does your penis still work?". For questions like this, he always has his go-to answer: If the only way you can think of to please a woman is using a penis, then you're missing out on so much more.


That line has gotten many drinks bought for him.

So, what are your outercourse options? Always remember that communication is key, establish your boundaries with your partner(s) and only do as much or as little as all parties are comfortable with.

1. Nipple Play and Boob Jobs

Seduce Me Chemise

Did you know that some people can achieve orgasm through nipple play alone? I bought my girlfriend a nipple pump set to see if it was something she would enjoy and the heightened sensation was certainly well-received!

If the thought of nipple pumps and suckers makes you say "Ouch!" instead of "Oh!", don't worry, there is something out there for you. On the gentler side kissing, licking and tickling can all add to the fun.

Boob jobs (where a person puts their penis between your cleavage and you push your breasts together to provide friction and tightness) are another option if you or your partner enjoy breast play.

The effectiveness does depend on the size of your bust and the position you're in, but if, like me, you are smaller in the chest area, make sure that you use gravity to your advantage (basically, don't lie on your back).

It's also important to remember to use plenty of lube for extra pleasure.

2. Bring Out The Toys!


Using sex toys on your partner can seem uncomfortable at first, especially if you're unsure about what sensations they might enjoy, but by communicating what feels good it can bring you a whole new level of intimacy.

I'd recommend starting out with something simple before going straight for the top-speed setting of your Magic Wand.

Finger stimulators, strokers, or even a pair of gloves all provide different sensations and help you find what you enjoy the most.

Introducing toys during mutual masturbation can add to the experience, particularly if it's a remote or app-controlled vibrator. Changing and experimenting with the pleasure your partner is receiving can help you to feel closer and more involved with the act.

3. Oral Sex

Oral Sex Lips

This is my personal favourite act of outercourse. Your partner is focusing on you and your pleasure, in an area that many people feel uncomfortable about others getting face-to-face (so to speak) with.

People can get quite nervous about relaxing enough to let somebody go down on them, so to ease your nerves, shower beforehand, turn the lights down low, and make sure that you're in a position that feels comfortable for both of you. After all, you don't want to rush it!

Using flavoured lubricants can certainly enhance the experience, especially if you're nervous about how you taste.

If you're unsure about your technique, as always, ask your partner how they like it (but do remember, it's rude to talk with your mouth full, so be sure to listen to their instructions).

Lizi is a Sociology student at Northumbria University, often found blogging about as Some Angry Northern B*tch. When she's not balancing her affection between her two partners, it often goes to her pet hedgehog, Stormageddon.

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Written by Lovehoney. For collaborative posts between Lovehoney team members and guest authors
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Originally published on Dec 15, 2016. Updated on Aug 6, 2020