Exploring Gender and Sexuality with Chantelle Otten

Did you know, by age 4, we start to develop a solid understanding of who we are and our gender identity, meaning a sense of who we are within our body. At this age, we are constantly analysing and absorbing the world around us.

In 2021, as we grow as a society, it’s extremely important for young people to see that the scope of gender and sexuality is vast and colourful. This includes seeing their peers, friends, family and members of the general public as having a non-conforming gender and sexual identity.

What do I mean by this you may ask? Many of you may have been taught in school and through mainstream media that male and female are the only gender identities. This is the binary view of gender. In reality, there are many different understandings of gender which can be broken down into three parts:

Gender roles: The behaviours, values and attitudes a society considers appropriate for your perceived sex.

Gender identity: How you experience your own gender.

Gender expression: How you publicly express or present your gender. For example, your outward appearance and behaviour; the way you dress, your body language and voice.

When a child is born, they are often assigned a gender based on their physical attributes (i.e. whether they have a penis or vulva). This in turn tends to apply specific gender roles and expectations on the person from the get-go.

Those who have a vulva at birth are usually assigned female and are therefore expected to identify and present as such. There is an expectation that females are soft, gentile, emotional and caring.

On the other hand, those born with a penis are usually assigned male and are therefore expected to identify and present as such. There is an expectation that males are hard, strong, handy and dominant.

But we know now that these are just ‘stereotypes’ and people are able to be whoever they want to be, regardless of what their gender roles expect of them.

We also know there are many people who sit outside the model of typical gender identity. This means the gender they identify with doesn’t match the gender they were assumed to be at birth based on their physical characteristics. These people are characterised as non-binary.

Non-binary can be used as an umbrella term to include all the different gender identities which don’t fit into the binary system of male and female. Now, this can mean different things to different people so always ask someone who identifies as non-binary what it means to them. Some people experience their gender as both male and female, some people experience gender as neither and some may not have a label for what they are experiencing.

So far, we have spoken a lot about gender, but we are yet to speak about sexuality. Yep, sexual orientation is a totally different topic.

Sexual orientation is about who you are sexually attracted to. This can be men, women or anyone on the gender spectrum.

Sexuality can be intertwined with emotional attraction (who you are emotionally attracted to) and physical attraction (who you are physically attracted to). And of course, it’s important to remember this is a broad spectrum, it’s not black and white.

When it comes to sex, I am a big believer that toys can be used by all kinds of people in all kinds of ways — regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation.

Here are my favourite sex staples for all orientations and identities:

any penetrative sexual play or massage. They can be cooled or heated for added temperature play kicks and are hypoallergenic for those with sensitive genitals.

6. Strapless strap-ons

This is a strap-on which fits inside the wearer’s vagina, and gives an amazing internal massage. The shaft and pony of the dildo help you get the perfect angle for clitoral stimulation as well as penetrative play.

7. Finger vibrators

A finger vibrator is for everyone, because you can use it all over the body on internal and external erogenous zones. Try the Ignite, with 20 different functions! Use on the nipples, the clit or the underside of a penis.

What a great little list to get your started! Of course, the possibilities are endless, so just remember eroticism and sexuality about being curious with constant communication. Simply ask your partner about how they like to pleasure themselves, and ask if they can teach you too.

Today we’ve covered just the basics of what are both massive areas of the human experience. I encourage you to find out more about these topics wherever you can to grow your understanding.

Gender and sexuality are colourful and your sex life should also be. It’s a great time to celebrate the diversity we have within our gender and sexual orientations, and take a broad approach to our sexual playground.