A First Year's Guide To Sex In Freshers' Week
So your results have come out, and yes, you’ve done it, you’ve made it into university!
Obviously you can proud be of your academic achievements and are going to be looking forward to your course, but let’s be honest… your thoughts must have turned towards the (hopefully!) imminent fun that comes along with going to university.
Some of the craziest fun you’ll experience all year is during Freshers’ Week: meeting new people, nightlife events galore and probably lots of drunken bonding. With this atmosphere of reckless abandon, the hormones can easily thrive.
Whether you are actively planning to get with someone, are open to the idea, are experienced, a virgin - basically whatever circumstances you are in - there is definitely the possibility that a sexual opportunity could arise.
As a newly-finished first year who indeed did have sex in Freshers’ week (and many of the weeks after), I am here to impart some wisdom with some tips and advice about how to approach sex in Freshers’ Week…
Please, if you only take one thing away from this article, let it be this point. Your sexual health should be your priority in all sexual situations, but it is especially important when dealing with so many new people, who are also meeting a variety of new faces.
Even if someone claims they know they are clear since they got tested at home, if they're willing to have unprotected sex with you, they'd be willing with someone else too – they might have slept with someone else at uni already, and you don't know their other partners' STD status.
As recently as 2015, a "super-gonorrhoea" outbreak across the North of England caused freshers to be alerted about the risks of contracting this STD and every year freshers are advised to get a vaccine against a deadly strain of meningitis, a disease which can be spread (amongst other ways) through kissing and herpes.
The risk is out there and it's your responsibility to make the effort to protect yourself from it.
Besides avoiding contracting an STD, the last thing you want is a pregnancy scare in a new place where you may be unfamiliar with the services available to help with that and may not feel you know the new people at university to feel comfortable enough to trust them with that sensitive information.
Barrier methods of contraception, most commonly condoms, will help protect against both STDs and pregnancy, whereas items such as the pill only help protect against pregnancy.
Always keep a box in your room and at least one in your purse/wallet when you go out to ensure you will be a lot less tempted to say "Screw it!" and be risky without.
Talk To Them (At Least A Bit!) Before Doing The Deed
Let me start by saying, no one should judge you if you pull someone without asking their name first.
Feel free to go ahead and do that during Freshers' Week; however in my experience the sex and morning after goodbyes are a heck of a lot better if you have some semblance of comfortability with the person.
Yo don't need their life story, but their name, course and accommodation are good for conversation starting and can help you judge if you're likely to see them again – if they're on the same course or in the same accommodation as you, decide if potential awkwardness is worth it.
Stand By The Flatmate Rule
It is a sacred rule that gets preached frequently for a reason - don't hook up with a housemate – yet so many people ignore it!
Thankfully, there was never any risk of that occurring in my flat, but I know of at least three of my friends where a couple of their respective flatmates hooked up and needless to say, none of the nights of passion ended in anything worth it and just ended up with the people being a bit awkward around each other for most of the year.
There are literally hundreds of people at your university you could potentially get with, do not pick one of the few that you have to live with for the rest of the year.
Besides potential awkwardness for yourself, you don't want any awkwardness to spread to the rest of your new flatmates.
Don't Feel Embarrassed Or Ashamed About Anything Before, During or After
If anyone judges you for getting with someone, don't bother yourself too much.
I've learned that anyone who judges me on my SAFE and CONSENSUAL sex life is not a person whose opinion I care about too much.
Although, if you're out with only one or two friends, try not to completely ditch them at the start of the night for your pull – Freshers' Week is a good time to bond with new people and you don't want to regret missing out on more of that time.
Sex with a new person for the first time can naturally be awkward and not particularly smooth - remember, though, it doesn't have to be to have fun!
A couple of times when I've had sex in my first year, awkward moments such as positions not working and me not being wet enough have occurred and that's OK!
Don't be afraid to ask if you can move into a different position or ask if they have any lube (it's an actual turn on for me when a guy actually has lube in his drawer – I like that he's prepared and thoughtful enough to consider my comfort, too).
Sometimes during sex you just don't think you're going to orgasm and that's OK, as there's no shame at all about that!
That being said, this product could help you unlock that climax and this is discreet, looks just like a lip balm tin, but when you put it on your clitoris it stimulates blood flow and sensitivity, increasing the likelihood for orgasm.
If you don't want to whip it out in front of your partner for the night, just say you're bobbing in the bathroom, apply it and then come out to get back down to action!
I have actually managed to remain friends with most people I have had sex with at university, which I genuinely believe is because I don't view it as a shameful thing to have been with someone.
You had a mutual night of passion, so what? It only takes one person to make it awkward, so don't be that person – if you see them, smile, ask them how they're doing, add them on Facebook, whatever.
Just know that any sexual encounters in Freshers' Week don't have to fall under the cringe category of memories and seeing the person again is not the end of the world.
Try To Learn Your Way Around Campus As Soon As You Move In
Obviously, this is an advisable thing generally when you move in – no one wants to get lost on the way to their first lecture!
However, it can also be a very handy thing for when you've slept in someone else's bed for the night, or they in yours.
The last thing you want is to be walking round in circles, clearly in last night's clothes and make-up, just knackered and wanting to take it all off and go in your own bed.
Don't let the morning after ruin the night before!
Don't Have Any Expectations About Where It Will Lead
With the new sense of freedom most people experience for the first time in Freshers' Week, it can be easy to get ahead of yourself.
I'm not saying to have low or negative expectations, just don't have any, be neutral. Most people who have sex in Freshers' Week will probably just be looking for a one night stand, but who knows?
I stayed friends with person I slept with; I've heard of people who actually dated their Freshers' pull; I know people who never spoke to them again; and I know someone who actually found one of their best friends.
Don't expect them to ask you out on a date immediately the next day, nor expect them to completely blank you either.
Unless you firmly have decided your stance on this person for valid reasons, be open to being friendly with them and whatever they wish to offer afterwards - there's no need to shorten your social circles or be in a state of awkwardness unless absolutely necessary!
Blogger supercutesecret is an established sex and relationships blogger, who studies Maths & Statistics at the University of Warwick.
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